Random musings on the important things in life, for example computers and UT football.
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Name: VW
Hometown:
Somewhere in Texas
Occupation:
Systems Analyst
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Wednesday, April 16, 2003
Holes
So there's a new trailer for this movie "Holes". Apparently it's some "award winning" children's book that they're turning into a movie, presumably a children's movie. Nothing wrong so far. But here are the reasons I predict this movie will completely suck ass:
-Main character's name: Stanley Yelnats. Exactly the kind of shit adults think kids would find funny, when it's really just insulting to the intellingence of kids to think they would be amused by something so asinine. "Let's make the main character's last name his first name spelled backwards! And let's make all the males in the family have that same name! Kid's love stupid shit like that!!"
-Here's a quote of actual dialogue from the trailer:
Adult Character: "There's no curse on this family".
Kid Character: "There's a curse on the men in this family".
I suppose having the kid respond with "Yes there is" wouldn't have quite had the same ring to it.
-Has there ever been a movie with a one-syllable name that wasn't a load of pretentious ass-sucking crap? Heat, Crash, Snatch, Pi, Jade, North, Toys, Jack, Signs... Apparently not.
-Speaking of Snatch, how pleasant to see that even kid's movies are now ripping off the Snatch/Trainspotting "character intro montage" technique. In case you've never seen it, it goes something like this. You have a quick clip of each character engaged in an action which defines the character--eating a burger, kicking a soccer ball, sticking a spike in his vein, etc. You then have a freeze-frame of the character as his name, preferrably a catchy nickname that correlates with said character-defining action, pops up on the screen. An effective technique when used properly (Trainspotting), otherwise incredibly pretentious and overdone (Holes trailer).
-They've apparently crammed in elements of every conceivable genre into this film, with the possible exception of porno. You have comedy, drama, Ocean's Eleven-esque elements, even sci-fi/horror/fantasy elements with the rabid child-eating lizards, the "curse", and the literally millions of holes littering the desert which were supposedly dug out by teams of little kids yet would have taken untold millenia to actually dig.
Anyway, when the movie comes out next week we'll see how it turns out. But here's my prediction: it will suck complete ass.
1:17 PM
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