Random musings on the important things in life, for example computers and UT football.
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Name: VW
Hometown:
Somewhere in Texas
Occupation:
Systems Analyst
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Wednesday, April 16, 2003
Holes
So there's a new trailer for this movie "Holes". Apparently it's some "award winning" children's book that they're turning into a movie, presumably a children's movie. Nothing wrong so far. But here are the reasons I predict this movie will completely suck ass:
-Main character's name: Stanley Yelnats. Exactly the kind of shit adults think kids would find funny, when it's really just insulting to the intellingence of kids to think they would be amused by something so asinine. "Let's make the main character's last name his first name spelled backwards! And let's make all the males in the family have that same name! Kid's love stupid shit like that!!"
-Here's a quote of actual dialogue from the trailer:
Adult Character: "There's no curse on this family".
Kid Character: "There's a curse on the men in this family".
I suppose having the kid respond with "Yes there is" wouldn't have quite had the same ring to it.
-Has there ever been a movie with a one-syllable name that wasn't a load of pretentious ass-sucking crap? Heat, Crash, Snatch, Pi, Jade, North, Toys, Jack, Signs... Apparently not.
-Speaking of Snatch, how pleasant to see that even kid's movies are now ripping off the Snatch/Trainspotting "character intro montage" technique. In case you've never seen it, it goes something like this. You have a quick clip of each character engaged in an action which defines the character--eating a burger, kicking a soccer ball, sticking a spike in his vein, etc. You then have a freeze-frame of the character as his name, preferrably a catchy nickname that correlates with said character-defining action, pops up on the screen. An effective technique when used properly (Trainspotting), otherwise incredibly pretentious and overdone (Holes trailer).
-They've apparently crammed in elements of every conceivable genre into this film, with the possible exception of porno. You have comedy, drama, Ocean's Eleven-esque elements, even sci-fi/horror/fantasy elements with the rabid child-eating lizards, the "curse", and the literally millions of holes littering the desert which were supposedly dug out by teams of little kids yet would have taken untold millenia to actually dig.
Anyway, when the movie comes out next week we'll see how it turns out. But here's my prediction: it will suck complete ass.
1:17 PM
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Sickest things that can possibly be imagined...
A friend of mine once said: Not only are the sickest, most perverse things we could possibly imagine happening somewhere out there in the world as we speak, there are things happening that are far sicker than we even have the capacity to imagine.
Me: "Like what, for example"?
Him: "Like I said, things that are so sick, we can't even imagine how sick they are, so I couldn't even give you an example."
Me: "Well, give me an example of what is the single most sick thing you CAN imagine."
Him: "OK, people who engage in ritualistic human sacrifice and then have group sex on top of the human remains while simultaneously eating those remains."
Me: "I don't think that's THAT sick."
Him: "Well that's just the sickest thing can think of right now, but like I was saying I'm sure there are things that are actually happening out there right now that are far sicker than that".
I didn't necessarily agree with him at the time, but I'd say the sickest thing I can possibly imagine reached a new level today, which technically proves he WAS correct. In other words, up until now, the sickest thing I could possibly imagine was not as sick as something I found out is/was actually happening in the world.
Basically (and I'm warning you, this is seriously sick so stop reading now if you don't want to read this) I saw pictures of someone who had a rare form of cancer which basically ate away his skull and left his brain exposed, and he left it untreated since it was not causing him pain and he was literally walking around, alive, with MAGGOTS eating his brain alive and he didn't do anything about it until he was recently in a minor car accident, and when medical personnel arrived on the scene they witnessed the gruesome horror show that was this man's exposed, maggot-infested brain and rushed him to the hospital where the photos were taken. I don't know how it turned out, but presumably he survived.
Now I realize such a scenario sounds impossible, since SURELY nobody could survive in such a condition for more than a few hours, much less days, but I saw the photos myself and heard from a very reputable source that the above explaination is indeed accurate.
My apologies if anyone spewed chunks upon hearing that.
12:51 PM
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